Raising a Dog & Mastering Calm Assertive Energy | Cesar Millan

Cesar explains that dogs are born with their nose open, eyes open at 15 days, ears at 21 days; therefore the proper greeting order is nose, eyes, ears—not the human pattern of ears‑eyes‑nose (talking/looking/touching first). When humans greet with high‑pitched voices, direct eye contact, and immediate touch, they create a dog that greets all humans with excitement, jumping, and sometimes anxiety. The dog may be releasing pent‑up energy from being alone, and the human misinterprets that as happy affection. By practicing no touch, no talk, no eye contact, you allow the dog to complete its instinctual assessment and conclude that you are safe and peaceful. Cesar insists that affection is not withheld forever—only until the dog offers calmness, at which point you give calm affection as a reward for the state you want to nurture.

Cesar emphasizes that the walk is not just exercise—it is the foundation of the relationship. He contrasts the backyard ‘zoo’ scenario where a dog runs in circles with the purposeful migration of a pack. He points out that in third‑world countries, dogs walk with humans as a matter of survival, and off‑leash walking is the norm. He also notes that homeless people walk their dogs all day, which is why those dogs are so well‑behaved. The backpack trick adds mental drain: first, the dog must psychologically accept wearing something unfamiliar; then the weight adds physical demand. Cesar says, ‘Every time you add something, you challenge the mind. And the goal is simply for the mind to surrender.’ He warns that a tired dog won’t give you problems, and most behavioral issues stem from undrained energy.

Cesar is adamant that most behavioral problems arise because people start with affection (cuddles, baby talk) and neglect exercise and discipline. He says 80% of his clients are women, and he often sees a dynamic where the wife pours all her affection onto the dog, putting the dog in the front position, while she enforces rules on her husband. The dog, lacking leadership, becomes anxious or aggressive. Cesar’s formula is universal: ‘Exercise, discipline, affection. Body, mind, heart.’ He points to the example of horses: in the horse world, safety and leadership are paramount; nobody approaches a horse with squealing affection. The dog should be treated with the same respect. He ties this to the spiritual hierarchy he learned growing up: God first, earth second, work third, then family/love—love is the celebratory energy that comes after the foundation is secure.

Cesar describes how people often love their dog’s excited reaction, thinking it means love, but they are actually nurturing an anxious or hyper state. He advises to ‘give affection to patience and calmness and open mind.’ He tells a story of a nurse with two Frenchies who couldn’t resist picking them up when they went crazy, despite acknowledging it made them anxious. He explains that a dog’s good state of mind is patience, calm surrender, or happy‑go‑lucky; fight, flight, or avoidance are bad states. You want to love your dog in the good state, so when they misbehave, they know they need to return to that calm place to regain connection. The practice of waiting for calm surrender is part of the larger rule: affection is a reward, not a right.

Cesar emphasizes that this discipline is not about punishment but about teaching the dog the rules of the house. He says, ‘if you tell a dog don’t touch it or don’t touch the human, don’t touch the food, don’t touch the cat, they go into a calm surrender state and they wait.’ Huberman adds that this is what neuroscientists call top‑down inhibition and that it generalizes to other impulse control situations. Cesar includes this as one of the three essential rituals (meeting, walking, feeding) that must be done in the correct state of mind. He notes that even a back‑of‑the‑pack dog can learn this, and it’s a foundation for a well‑behaved dog.

Huberman shared his own method with Costello and Strummer. He noticed that a small, sharp sound was more effective than a stern ‘no’ long‑term. He described that if he used it more than a few times, it lost its effect. Cesar agreed, emphasizing that words are less important than the energy behind them. The sound is a reminder for both human and dog to reset. Huberman noted that with his girlfriend, the dog tests her more, because she may be more in her emotions and less consistent with the energy. The sound thus acts as a tool to reinforce non‑verbal leadership.

Cesar explains that in a litter, there is only one front‑of‑the‑pack pup who is larger and pushes others; a few middle pack pups who are happy, playful, and follow the leader; and a back‑of‑the‑pack pup who is sensitive and waits. The middle pack dog is the ‘HR of the pack,’ naturally balanced. He describes how to assess: enter quietly with a novel object; the front dog boldly investigates, the middle plays, the back stays back. This is hardwired and guarantees good behavior if paired with proper human leadership. He admits that even he, with his vast experience, keeps only middle and back pack dogs because front‑of‑the‑pack dogs need a full‑time job like police work.

Cesar got the idea from the cartoon The Jetsons and later implemented it with his clients’ unused treadmills. He uses it as a tool to challenge both mind and body. He reiterates that the walk outdoors is primary because it engages the dog’s instinctual migration drive, while the treadmill is a controlled backup. Huberman taught Strummer to use the treadmill with intermittent rewards and now the dog eagerly jumps on, allowing him to manage energy on days when they can’t go out or after a walk if the dog still has excess energy.

Cesar explains that before a dog even processes sound, it reads energy through the nose, eyes, and ears, in that order. The ritual of ‘no touch, no talk, no eye contact’ forces the human to transmit safety through stillness and breathing, which allows the dog’s natural assessment process—nose first, then eyes, then ears—to conclude the human is trustworthy. He says: ‘Don’t talk. Don’t talk with words. Talk with energy, body language, and intention.’ This reverses the common dynamic where excited verbal greetings create an anxious, over‑aroused dog. When humans learn to project silence, calmness, and confidence, the dog enters a follower state. Cesar links this to the power of prayer and the deep silence he experienced crossing the border, where only spirit and instinct guided him. The concept extends to human relationships: people often talk too much, missing the energetic exchange that builds real trust.

Cesar points out that a homeless person’s dog walks off‑leash behind or beside the human because the human is moving through the world with purpose, and the dog is in a follower state. A blind person’s guide dog is in a focused follower state with zero distraction. In both cases, the human is not giving excessive affection or excited energy; they are simply being. Cesar contrasts this with many pet dogs in affluent homes who are given affection first, walk in front pulling on the leash, and develop anxiety. He says, ‘Nine out of 10 homeless people have a pitbull and the dog is well behaved, off leash.’ This insight shows that the dog’s well‑being depends far more on the human’s energy and the structure of the relationship than on material comfort.

Cesar explains that when a person enters a cold plunge, they go through fight‑or‑flight (panic, wanting to escape) and then, after a few minutes of breathing, reach ‘calm surrender’—a state where the mind is empty and still. He asks them what they are thinking, and they reply ‘nothing.’ This is the precise energy he wants people to bring to meeting, walking, and feeding their dogs. He says the cold is mother nature and forces the animal brain to take over; afterward, the person naturally emits the energy dogs crave. Huberman adds that neuroscientifically, this aligns with a surge of adrenaline and subsequent prefrontal cortex quieting, leading to a long dopamine plateau. Cesar’s point is that you can’t think your way into this state, you must experience it, and then you can transfer that felt sense to your dog interactions.